This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
