yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Found the puke drawer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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