they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
