I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize