i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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