Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
