So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
