Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found puke in my bra..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
