I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
