The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
