we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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