we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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