If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize