I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
