Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
