Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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