connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
