I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Two words: blizzard sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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