just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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