I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
