trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
