The maid of honor just puked.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
