So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
