So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
