my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
