I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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