Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
