u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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