it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Pooping to opera.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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