I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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