i jhust puked up my retainher.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
