I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
