So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He better not be in your backpack
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
