normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
