She's JV to your varsity
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
