Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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