I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
