great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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