he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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