Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I supernannyed him into submission
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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