just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
