I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
