So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize