Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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