I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
