I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
