everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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