Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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