I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
