you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize