12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
