she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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