plz talk dirty to me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
