I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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