I wish i was in the wii world.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
