She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
