You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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