why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
