I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
