Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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