maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
