I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
