Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize