Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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