How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
