we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
