hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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