This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
