Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
