i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
