She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
