I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
