I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize