Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Randomize
