I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
