So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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