And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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