Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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