I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
