That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
