I can tuck mytits in my pants
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
