I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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